Mary Speaks About Love & Life

08/17/2003 10:00 AM, Yahoo! Music
Billy Johnson Jr

There isn't another contemporary R&B singer with more respect than Mary J. Blige: Each of her five studio albums since 1992's What's The 411? have been certified at least platinum as well as praised by critics, and her collaboration with Method Man, "I'll Be There For You/You're All I Need To Get By," earned the pair a Grammy in 1995. The uncontestable Queen Of Hip-Hop Soul has been able to hold onto her crown for the last decade because her genuine, deep connection to her music. The bottom line is, Mary's the hip-hop generation's Aretha.

While rumors regarding Mary's troubled personal life circulated for years, it was with the release of 2001's No More Drama that the Yonkers, New York-bred artist truly revealed why her vocal chops are so theatrical: The pain expressed in her songs wasn't always fictional, but inspired by aspects of her real life. On No More Drama, Mary addressed how she struggled with--and overcame--various woes stemming from relationships, child abuse, and drugs. And the best part? Even though she's come clean, she hasn't lost an ounce of her soul, as evidenced by her new album, Love & Life, and its lead single, the funky "Love @ 1st Sight."

Read on as LAUNCH's urban editor Billy Johnson Jr. talks to Mary about her transition, what pulled her through, and where her music is heading...

LAUNCH: How did you feel about "Family Affair" being your first number one record?

MARY: I'm happy about it. I'm really proud of the fact that with me evolving, a lot of good things came out of that. So I can't be mad 'cause I never had a number one record before, because I never was acting like a number one artist. You understand what I'm saying? Not that I'm supposed to change for the world. That's the whole thing: Before I was living for the world, now that I'm living for me. I'm really proud about the results of "Family Affair" being number one. The world is the world--I can't change what they think of me and I really don't care if they solidify me, number one or not. But this has everything to do with God, so I'm very proud of that number one record. My only number one record, and it won't be the last.

LAUNCH: What do you mean when you say you weren't acting like a number one artist before?

MARY: I mean I wasn't acting like a number one person to myself. I wasn't even putting myself first. I was not loving myself. I didn't care about myself. So in results of that you are what you are, your surrounding is what you are. The effects on the charts, I put everything in my music. It was a lot of pain and negativity, but that's the results. You know now there's a lot of joy and struggle and wanting to push forward and wanting to live to see another day in my music. And that's what I'm getting, a lot of love and hope, just knowing that I will succeed in everything I do.

LAUNCH: What was it like working with Dr. Dre? I understand he's real meticulous.

MARY: I didn't work with Dre in person on "Family Affair." I worked with him over the phone. I spoke to him over the phone and he wanted what he wanted, even over the phone, and I wanted what I wanted. But it was all about humility, and I let him try what he wanted to try, and a lot of his ideas turned out to be the ideas. And that's it.

LAUNCH: Can you talk about how important it was to make sure people got the idea of the storyline for "No More Drama"?

MARY: Well, it was very important to make sure people got the point and the storyline of "No More Drama" because it's such a heartfelt and hair-raising-on-the-arms song. And it's like a spiritual situation going on there and it's a deliverance record. It's like me being delivered from alcohol and drugs and no-good people and myself--the self me that was keeping me down. So it was very important, because there are a lot of people out there that need to be delivered from alcohol and drugs and self-hatred. These are the things that'll hold you back, and then you wonder why the next person is succeeding. It's because you don't even care enough for yourself. So it was very important for people to get the message on "No More Drama," and skip the fashion and all of that madness because you gonna see that every day. It's very rare when people want to do something for the people to get and not just do it for a fashion award.

LAUNCH: I understand when you went to Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, they already had the song. What was your reaction?

MARY: My reaction when Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis played it for me, was I just couldn't believe that somebody that I worked with, like, twice in my life knew my life story--just knew where I was at that moment. They knew my life story at that moment. They knew that I was ready to get out of those situations, and it was all in the record through all the lyrics.

LAUNCH: Did that surprise you?

MARY: It kind of surprised me, because I didn't know them at the time. I just knew that they were good people, and they made me feel like a family member. I didn't let them know I was shocked; I just told them straight-up, "Wow, this is me right now." And obviously they knew.

LAUNCH: What about the Young & The Restless theme playing throughout?

MARY: The Young & The Restless theme was right up my alley, because that's drama. That's negative drama. Every time you see something on the stories, it's someone getting killed or someone stealing someone else's husband or someone doing drugs, it's just negative drama. And the Young & The Restless sample, people can identify with that. Everyone can, that grew up with their grandparents watching the Young & The Restless, or their mothers.

LAUNCH: Probably the most therapeutic song on that album was "Where I've Been" with Eve. Was it hard to write that song?

MARY: "Where I've Been" wasn't hard to write at all. It's just about where I've been, and there's a lot in there about how we lived and how I ended up without a high school education and why I ended up on drugs...and why, and why, and why. It wasn't hard, because I know there's a lot of people in that world just like me. A lot of little girls that need to know what not to do. So through lyrics or through visuals, I don't mind being an example. As long as I'm a living example.

LAUNCH: How do you feel now that that little girl has come through all this and become so successful, putting out your sixth album?

MARY: Well, to know that I've come through--and I'm still coming through everything that I've spoken about in public, from the Behind The Music to where I've been on the album--just everything everyone knows that I'm speaking publicly about it. I just feel so good about all of it, because I'm coming through it. I'm not going backwards, I'm not sliding down, I'm coming up and up and up, and spiritually I'm getting something that I knew I had, but didn't know was real. And that's the best thing that could have happened to me. Because with knowledge so many doors open up, and I just feel real good about coming through. I don't feel bad at all.

LAUNCH: Now you also have a special guy in your life, your fiancée, who shed some light on your life. Can you talk about that?

MARY: When you finally meet someone that is laying hands on you in your sleep, praying for you to stop drinking, and both of y'all are in the world--this when you're not even really a couple yet, but someone is praying for you and is asking for the Lord to deliver you from alcohol--and when you don't, when you continue to drink and drink and drink, but you're falling in love with this person and he's like, "What are you doing?"...I mean, this is like the best thing that could happen to you. Because a lot of people would like to see you drunk and high so they can get away with what they gonna get away with. So obviously this person wants me clear so I can see him for what he is. So it's a blessing--this person has been a blessing in my life. Just constantly on me, like a mother or something. It's not negative and it's not bad. It's aggravating, it's like your mother--but your mother loved you, you know. It's God, and it's also God using this man. Let me set the record straight: So many people in so many interviews, they don't want to give God the credit. But God gets all the credit for everything that's happened to me. It's not this brotha that's bringing me to the forefront; it's the wisdom and the knowledge that the Lord gave me through the holy bible that's opening my eyes and making me see and do things differently, that made me put the alcohol down, that made me put the drugs down, that made me stop doing everything I was doing. Please give my Father the credit. It's not a man. I don't care how wonderful he is.

LAUNCH: Can you talk about your reading proverbs and the bible every day?

MARY: I'm going to say this: I'm not perfect, and everyone in the world that smokes and drinks, that's what they do. And when they get ready and get tired of it, they will. Because I was tired. See, it's all on you. Don't think I'm sitting here saying that everybody is going to hell, because drugs and alcohol and sex is not going to determine whether you get into heaven or hell or not. It's your decision, whenever you're ready to say, "Enough." Then you got a lot of work to do. You got a lot of cleaning up to do. As far as proverbs and the whole bible and all of that stuff, that's all of my choice. I choose God. I'm not choosing the world and I'm not choosing Satan. I'm choosing the Lord Jesus Christ. You know, through reading proverbs, I know how God searches the heart, how he searches everyone's heart to make sure you really love Him, and I just want to be with Him. I don't care what people say about me; I just want to be down with God. Because when it's all said and done and there's terrorists here and there's this over there, and there's that over there and there's people dying over there, I will live, because it says that in His words. For so long we haven't had wisdom, and without wisdom, many of us will perish. And so many of us have perished because we don't have wisdom. That's what God is doing for Mary J. Blige. That's what proverbs is doing for Mary J. Blige, and I'm happy about it. I'm proud of myself, I'm proud of everything that comes with me, and I'm not ashamed of God. I don't care who says what.

LAUNCH: Do you think that you'll ever record a gospel album?

MARY: I know that I'll record a gospel album. I know that is the next thing in Mary J. Blige's life. On her singing career list is recording a gospel album.

LAUNCH: You mean like your next release could be a gospel album?

MARY: My next album could be a gospel album. Gospel means good news, and the good news is that Mary loves herself right now. Mary loves God, Mary loves people, and she tries to see good and she loves everything--not foolishly, but wise. She loves people from a distance, and I pray for them all. Enemies and all. So my next album will just be a full dedication to God, or the album after that, or all in the mix of it. All in the mix.

LAUNCH: Didn't you used to belong to a church singing group?

MARY: Yeah. The church we went to had a lot of old people in it, so every song they would sing was like [sings mournfully], "Oh, oh, Lord!" We were like, "Oh my God, we gotta do something to pep up the church. "And we would go home and we would take some of the church songs and rearrange them and make them into "up" church songs, and then we would write our own church songs and go to church and sing them.

LAUNCH: Were you guys rapping and stuff, and were the church people shocked?

MARY: No, we weren't rapping or anything. We never tried to take it out of the element, because they were so Pentecostal. We tried to put it in the middle, so everybody would be happy.

LAUNCH: I understand that, like Madonna, you're learning how to play guitar...why now, when you're so established in your career?

LAUNCH: What's really pushing you to want to play so many instruments in addition to songwriting?

MARY: I guess it's the fact that I've always wanted to really, really wanted to play an instrument in my life. In my church I used to stay behind and play and learn, but then through all the years and all the drugs and mess, it left. And I guess just all of the songs. Just all of the songs, the different songs that I have, like "No More Drama"...gosh, I would love to hit that up on the piano. It's just there's a lot of artists out there, like Nelly Furtado, that play four or five different instruments. It's like, "Wow, that's nice. I would love to learn how to do that." And like, watching Stevie Wonder always doing what he does--that's an inspiration right there. That's beautiful.

LAUNCH: Can you name some artists that people would be surprised you listen to?

MARY: Sting. People would be surprised. I probably have five of Sting's albums right now in my CD case upstairs. Sarah Vaughan, I listen to her, also the Eagles. Who else? George Michael--that's no secret. Elton John that's no secret. Everyone else that I grew up on, who's the first person that's going to come to my mouth? Stevie Wonder. Stevie Wonder, Chaka Khan, Gladys Knight, Mavis Staples, Sam Cooke, Otis Redding...I mean, the whole soul gang I grew up on. But there was a time when we were growing up, like 5 years old and there was a radio station called WNBC that would only play soft rock. So that's where we'll get, like, Rod Stewart's "Tonight's The Night," the Eagles, all those songs. They gave you like chills when they came on. So people would probably be surprised because of my hip-hop background...5 years old, I was listening to this stuff! But as a teenager, I went hip-hop crazy.

LAUNCH: You've evolved a lot professionally and personally. How hard was it for you making this transition, changing old habits? Did you go away for a while?

MARY: You know, it's a real fairytale when people tell you, "Oh, I had to get away." Who are you getting away from? It's you. When you're making a transition, you can go all the way around the world, but you're still going to run into the same problem until you drop your pride and deal with you. Because so many people fail, that's why I say people perish because of lack of knowledge. Pride is the biggest thing that keeps everybody in the world from getting ahead. That pride thing is gonna kill a lot of people. Pride is gonna mess up the world. Pride is a liar.

LAUNCH: So it's pretty much just sitting down and saying, "These are the issues that I need to take care of," and just working on them?

MARY: It's all about you. You cannot control people. You cannot control anything that another human being is doing, so you have to control you. You have to realize, "Gosh I was stubborn in that area; gosh, I didn't love myself." So automatically that's gonna lead to, "If I wanted to kill myself, what makes me think somebody wants to love me and take care of me and treat me good?" It's all about you. You draw to you what you are, because we are all from the same place. We're all spirits. And our flesh here on this earth for so long is used to getting angry at everything and getting angry at everybody else and never dealing with the issue. The issue is you. If you can deal with the issues that's the hardest part.

LAUNCH: Do you feel like people understand the real you?

MARY: I really don't want people to. The thing is, I'm a human being. Our mothers, they never want us to see them cry. They had to be strong for themselves. It's like everybody's a human being. We throw bricks and stones at them; at one point, they're gonna break. And after so many brick houses being dropped on you, you never know when you're gonna break down. That's why it just good to talk to people and release. "Psychiatrist" is another word for a person that you can just talk to. Everybody cracks, so as strong as you think you are, go and talk to someone if you having some problems. And I don't care about people seeing me cry, it's not gonna change me when you see me in the streets. It's not gonna change me if you ever did anything disrespectful to me. Sometimes people cry because they cant do what they used to do. They cry because they're being hurt. Somebody's doing this. And they can't choke them, so the cry. You understand what I'm saying?

LAUNCH: You mentioned mothers. So what was your mother like? Tell me about the woman like that made Mary J. Blige.

MARY: The woman that made Mary J. Blige is the woman we were discussing earlier, the woman that was worried about people seeing her cry. That's what my mother was and is. She was very strong, she was our mother and father, and we had situations where there was beef in the ghetto she had to go and fight men, fight women, the whole thing. She was strong for us. And then when we became old enough, we were strong for her.

LAUNCH: Do you have any funny stories about her putting somebody in check?

MARY: The stories that I have about my family, I wouldn't tell. I already say enough, but some things you're not supposed to say. I mean, we were ill. Like that. So I wouldn't tell.